Losing …

6 month ago I finished writing my first book and I sent it to about 10 publishing houses and because the book was in English and I am in case you didn’t know an Egyptian wasn’t Super easy to publish. Few publishing houses here publish in English and one of them accepted my book but they asked for a lot go money and I knew they were literally stealing money from me so, I didn’t agree. And my book remained unpublished … And that really frustrated me and I ended up not writing any thing for 5 whole month. I won’t say i gave up on being A published writer or that I let that define me ….. But for me it was the first time I ever wanted something and I didn’t get. So, it felt like it was a slap in the face and I wasn’t in the mood for writing anything. So, I stopped. Then,  4 month later I started my senior year which here all what universities look at is your senior grades and senior year is the most difficult year in school and for someone like me who is not school smart .. Who doesn’t like studying at all and an average student but who’s dream is to become a physiotherapist and I need a 94% at least for that .. That was another slap on the face. And you know what it’s hard and I am so scared … Because it’s my dream that’s on the line here and I am clueless.I have no idea what to do and I spent the first 3 month of my senior year just complaining and studying nothing … For the first time in my life I’ve experienced what is it like to be truly scared …. I’ve tried so hard to figure out how I am gonna get that 94% but I can’t figure how ….. I’ve been working harder lately but the thing is what I am asked to do for me maybe the hardest thing ever … If you ask me to work 10 hours a day without being payed it’s better than this. I am not a lazy person actually the opposites but not when it comes to school work  … And whenever I feel like I am little close … I feel like I went back to point zero and today is one of those day …. And I feel like I became a person I can’t recognize anymore … I’ve worked so hard to find myself but now i feel like I am losing it again and I seem to have forgotten everything I believed in …. I can’t even remember who I was 7 month ago … 7 month ago I was a writer, i had a blog , I loved reading, I was a super motivated and inspired person . Just today I went through my old posts and I am shocked of how these 7 month changed me .. I am like yeah I used to believe in that, yeah I used to love that and ooh I remember when I felt that …. Now I feel like this weird person whom I can’t seem to figure out who she is or what she wants. I feel like I let my own demons control me .. That’s how I truly feel

But you know what I am gonna try to remember who I used to me and I will fight my own demons and I will make my dreams come true because I know if I didn’t one day I will regret this so much … So if it’s a war my demons want then it’s a war they will get

God! Just being here for only couple of house already makes me more inspired and I am terribly sorry for not replying to any comments and I would really appreciatany advice right now cause I really need some guidance and thank you so much for reading and I know this isn’t Really good poet at all .. But it’s such a real one. So, I want to share it.

Absorbed by the light

I was trying so hard to write something inspirational and motivational no matter how much i tried i wasn’t able too. I couldn’t write, i couldn’t lie. I am sad, tired and uninspired and i wasn’t able to know why. Everything is going great. I am doing what i love and what i want and i’ve been happy for a long time now. I couldn’t find an explanition to why am i feeling this way.  I felt like i was walking so fast  and i didn’t know where i was going. Finally i knew what was wrong and why i was feeling this way. I watched a video which explained everything and i am sure some of you may relate to this. He explained how we people can easily get absorbed by the light. I will explain, some of us have been in the darkness for such a long time or even for a short period of time and suddenly all this light comes in, all this happiness enter your life. It overwhelms you, it’s a lot to take. At first you will try to keep up with it but it’s a matter of time when you will get tired but, this is just one of the many stages of life and dealing with darkness and sadness. we already been through a lot, we handled a lot. we just need to handle this too and life will get even better than before. And this is totally normal when someone is in the dark and suddenly get exposed to sunlight it overwhelms him, he can’t open his eyes at first but he adjusts later. so, wait and never lose hope. I will, i will take this slow, i will stop running from the darkness cause i’ve already escape. I will take a moment, catch my breath and absorb the light before it absorbs me.

Taking things for granted

We are always taking things for granted like we own it. We act like it’s our property and don’t appreciate it but, what we don’t know is that it can easily be taken away from  us. And when that happens we will be left alone with nothing and we will feel great regret for not appreciating what we had and not trying to make the most of it.

we take a lot of things for granted but the top 3 things we take for granted are Money, family and health and for each one of these things i have a story that taught me not to take any of these things for granted.

1-Money

A year ago my best friend and her family lost most of their money and her home. Just like that after having a beautiful home and a big factory. They were left with no home, no money and a non-working factory. You can imagine how difficult it was for them and having to live in friends home. This teached me how to never take my family’s money and my home for granted and to appreciate that money and know a lot of people are not lucky enough to have it. The money i spend in a month can be pretty enough to solve some of people problems. I am not a spoiled brat i swear but a little amount for me or for you can be huge for someone else. It teached me to stop spending my money on unimportant things and to appreciate how hard my dad works to bring us this money, I haven’t actually went real shopping in 3 month and anyone who know’s me know’s i am a shopaholic. So, appreciate the money you have and spend it wisely in order not to wish one day you did.

2-Family

Recently my other best friend parents are filing for a divorce. I can never imagine what she is going there. Having been in that situation but thank god my parents backed down and made up truley opened my eye’s about that issue and how badly it can affect you. I never ever thought aboout my parents getting a divorce or splitting up. It never crossed my mind so, i never really understood how horrible it is and how again not to take a happy family for granted. If you’re parents love and understand each other be grateful for that and appreciate it because some people wish for it, They pray all the time for it. So, dont take your family for granted and wish they always stay together and happy.

3-Health

Don’t worry this will not be another best friend story. This is my brother’s story. So, ever since my brother was a kid he suffered from a big health problem and for a while the medicine wasn’t even available but, thank god it is now. So, as long as he takes his medicine hopefully everything so going to be fine but sometimes it doesn’t. So, appreciate it your body and how great it works, appreciate it your beating heart and appreciate your life.

So, moral of all these stories is to not take anything for granted and to appreciate what you have. And if you’ve been through any similar situation i wish you the best and i hope you learned for it. Understand that i am not telling you this to gain your compassion or sympathy. I just want you to learn and be grateful. I will see you all next time, Byeeeeee 🙂

Lost …

I’m lost …. I keep collecting the pieces of my heart

but with no use they’re already broken

you keep me hanging … you keep me thinking this is the end

but it seems to be NO END

The pain is endless …. the days are longer

I am too young but i feel so old

I don’t know if this is my life but it seems to be everyones life

Wither they now it or not they’re miserable … just like me

But it feels so hard to say it .. to tell it .. to live it

So, you keep acting .. you keep drawing on who you are and start painting who they want

But that’s not what they want … it’s you what they want

That’s what they hate the most you …. so YOU hate YOU

cause they are right … they’re always will

cause they’re the pretty one’s

and everyone wants to be pretty

When will we realize the truth

when will realize that she’s not that pretty and he’s not that handsome

And that we are not that innocent

B

I believe ………

I believe that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger …… I believe that pain is necessary but also temporary and that life comes in seasons

I believe that we are all equal men, women, straight, gay, bi , black or white ….. we are all human

I believe in speaking my mind, saying what i feel is right

I believe we should all love ourselves more  …. we should all spend more time alone thinking … i believe we should learn to survive on our own

I believe in taking risks because we only live once and without some danger life is just boring

I believe in god and my religion but i also believe people have the right to believe in any religion … and i believe atheists have the right not to believe ….. And I believe we should all be okay with that

I believe in dreaming, planning, working and building a life

I believe we all have a choice

I believe that none of us are perfect nor ever will

I believe gay people should have the right to get married anywhere

I believe we should all stop searching for lovers or forcing love … love will come when its turn to enter your life

I believe in good music and good taste

I believe in laughing and smiling to strangers

I believe we should all do what we want to do and what we love

I believe that us women our rights are take away from us and we should all start doing something about it

I believe in being kind and honest no matter what

I believe that everything happens for a reason

I believe that there is love everywhere

I believe that happiness is a choice

I believe in failing and trying again

I believe no one have the right to judge

And finally i believe we all got something to say and we all got beliefs. So, tell me what do you believe in. I would love to know so feel free to tell me anything in the comment section down below and i will see you all next time,Byeeeeeee 🙂

My first award

This month i received my first award which is so exciting. It was a normal day i was going to bed but i checked my blog first to find that i am nominated for ” Versatile blogger award ” by the amazing Nature lover, thank you so much. I am very happy and this is a wonderful feeling and thats why i plan to share it with some of you guys.

Rules:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and add a link to their blog
2. List the award rules so your nominees will know what to do.
3. State 7 things about yourself
4. Nominate other bloggers for the award.
5. Contact your nominees to let them know you have nominated them.
6. Display the award logo on your blog.

Here are seven things about myself

1. I love reading.

2. I’m a shopaholic.

3. I love spending time with my self.

4. Chuck bass is my dream man.

5. New york is my favorite city.

6. I want to be a physiotherapist.

7. English is not my first language but i am in love with it and i can speak it fluently.

My nominees are:

1. The art town https://theraotown.wordpress.com/

2. Natasha B https://tashab95.wordpress.com/

3. shruti gopinath https://iamyourtwilightstar.wordpress.com/

4. Arts art’s https://artartz.wordpress.com/

5. Anagha https://livedreamlovelife.wordpress.com/

6. Thoughtfulstroll http://thoughtfulstroll.com

7. Josh wrenn https://myfridayblog.wordpress.com/

8. E https://orionfirefly.wordpress.com/                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     10. Sherina speaks https://sherinaspeaks.wordpress.com/

11. The grey eye https://thegreyeye.wordpress.com/

Thanks again for Nature lover https://valiantwarrior.wordpress.com/

for nominating me and thanks to all my followers and everyone who reads my posts. I love you so much and i hope i am able to have a good impact ion your life and help you during your journey. Bye guys and i will see you next time 🙂

My march

This month i am not gonna do the same as before because honestly i didn’t do anything exciting this month and i was busy with school work and exams but still i’ve got something to say. Many things actually.
This month i learned and realized a lot of thing that i would love to share with all of you
1-Happiness is a choice                                                                                                                                                               I can choose to be happy no matter what the circumstances of my life are. That choice really changed my life. It made it better, it made me better. And for that i am so grateful and i hope more people are brave enough to make this decision because it will improve their lives drastically and remember that life is too short to miss on being really happy.

2-I make my own rules                                                                                                                                                                 No one have the right to tell me how to live my life  or what to do and what not to do. I make my own rules  and my own decisions. I should decide what’s good for me and what’s bad and no one have the right to interfere. Advices are acceptable but you should remember that it’s only an advice. At the end you chose. At the end you make the rules

3-Some times you have to let go                                                                                                                                             Sometimes no matter how much you love someone you have to let him go. Because they are just bad for you. And sometimes they make you a bad person or less like you and more like them. And that’s the last thing you want. You don’t want to lose yourself because YOU are all you’ve got . You are unique why let someone change that. OR Sometimes because they  don’t give back. They don’t give back your love, your honesty, loyalty and time. They just don’t give it back. So, why waste your on someone unworthy of it.

4-Dream big                                                                                                                                                                               if you’re gonna dream then dream big .

I would love to know your opinion on this and what you’ve learned this last month . So,feel free to write anything in the comments section down below, byeeeee 🙂

Dear, young me

Hi, young salwa. I am you and i won’t ask you ”How you are doing?” because i know. I know everything. I Know you are struggling right now but don’t be too upset because, everything that is happening now to you all this sadness, all these tears and all this pain is what made you who you are today. It surprisingly made you stronger. I remember how you used to think what a stupid phrase ” what doesn’t kill you makes you  stronger ” was  but, it turned out to be so true salwa. And another thing that is so true is that life comes in seasons and that you will never be sad for too long. You are actually happy now. I mean you still have bad days a lot but overall you’re happy and life is great. I know it’s a shock for you. You never thought you would be happy again but life surprised you. And i am really glad you didn’t give and i know how bad you wanted to sometimes.But thank you for not giving up because, life is beautiful and there’s tons in it you haven’t found out yet and you will keep discovering how beautiful it is until the day you die. Did you know that you became a writer? Who would have thought you salwa adly could write. I mean i had no idea. And you made a blog too. See things are working out  pretty good. well, the blog isn’t that big at all and i barely have likes or followers but i promise you i won’t give up just like i did before because i am sure things will work out at the end. You finally  know now what you wanna do and major in college. I Know you had such a hard time deciding and looking at different majors but i think you picked the right choice.your friend Dana left school. I Knew you were so upset about it but things are fine now and actually you friendship became better and you became closer. Also your childhood best friend lara returned to your school and you guys became closer than ever. You went to the philippines and you had so much fun there. Gossip girl is still one of your favorite shows, friends as well but sadly glee isn’t anymore. I Know you are so surprised right now because how much i used to love it but trust me it isn’t the same anymore and ever since cory monteith died i stopped watching it. Omg i forgot you don’t know he died but sadly he did. you will cry a lot but you will forget about it a little later. You know what is one of your favorite shows now. You will never guess it. The vampire Diares. I Know I Know you never liked it or even understood it but trust me it’s such an amazing show. You will fall in love with it. I think that’s pretty much all what changed. I have to go now but i hope to see you again. Bye salwa and i wish you the best. May the odds be forever in your favor 🙂

I Would also really love to hear what you guy’s would say to your younger self’s or any advice you have for them because it’s really interesting to know and it may help someone out there who is struggling with a problem you once had. So, feel free to write anything or any advice you have in the comments below. Thank you and i love you so much 🙂

Life is too short

I’ve been living with this mantra lately and i can tell it had a good impact on my life. The mantra is ” Life is too short to ………”. I fill these spaces with basically anything in my life. In every situation i use this mantra . Because yess life is too short. Its too short to miss on being really really happy. Its too short to stay mad at the one’s you love. Its too short to not chase your dreams. Its too short to not make these dreams come true. Its too short to not speak your mind and finally its too short to miss it out. So, always smile, always be happy, always dream , dream until the dream come true.

My february

Hi,guys and welcome back to my blog . Today i am gonna tell you guys all about my month. I really love posting this kind of posts and i hope you guys do as well and lets get right into it .

What i’ve been doing ;

• Back to school : This month i returned back to school after my mid year vacation which only lasted for 2 months .But its okay as it was really needed. School now isn’t that bad and i am really enjoying spending time there with my friends as school is almost over for me.So, I am trying to make the most of my school days and that’s what i recommend everyone to do.
• Went to cairo book fair : This month was really exciting for me as i got to go to cairo international book fair which is only held once a year. It was my first time going and it was so much fun . I got 7 books for such a cheaper price which again is just perfect as i really enjoy reading and sometimes books can get a little pricey.                                                                                   I got 5 english books which are : Eleanor and park, the book thief,looking for alaska, the book of life, adultery .if you guys read any of these books i would love to hear you guy’s opinion on them.

My favourites:

• Friends tv show
• Note books
• Earing

My happy moments:

• Art’s arts reply: one day, i was feeling really down and i was crying in my bed . I didn’t feel like doing anything that day until while i was crying i checked my blog where i found a reply on community pool for my feedback on Art’s arts blog ( Which is a wonderful blog btw) . In that comment she thanked me for my feedback and told me how she also really enjoyed reading my blog ” your blog is great, inspirational and well written” she wrote and she quoted one of my phrases in one of posts. It was ” MAKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE ”. Her comment really made my day and reminded me of who i am and my words. And how i aim to help others so i should stop weeping and start helping myself. so, i can really help others. After reading that comment i stopped crying, opened my laptop and started writing . So, a huge thank you to Art’s arts. I love you.
• Secret valentine: this year me and my friends decided to do a SECRET VALENTINE. we took the idea from secret santa and added our touch on it. It was perfect as we are all single. It was so much fun and i will definitely will be doing it next year because who am i kidding i will still be single. But it doesn’t matter because i am happy and i have amazing friends.

So, guys this was my month. Hope you guys enjoyed and i would love to hear all about your month. If you wrote a similar post i would love to check it out just leave me a link in the comments with your thoughts on my post. I love you all and thanks so much for reading. Have a great day , Byeeee 🙂