Losing …

6 month ago I finished writing my first book and I sent it to about 10 publishing houses and because the book was in English and I am in case you didn’t know an Egyptian wasn’t Super easy to publish. Few publishing houses here publish in English and one of them accepted my book but they asked for a lot go money and I knew they were literally stealing money from me so, I didn’t agree. And my book remained unpublished … And that really frustrated me and I ended up not writing any thing for 5 whole month. I won’t say i gave up on being A published writer or that I let that define me ….. But for me it was the first time I ever wanted something and I didn’t get. So, it felt like it was a slap in the face and I wasn’t in the mood for writing anything. So, I stopped. Then,  4 month later I started my senior year which here all what universities look at is your senior grades and senior year is the most difficult year in school and for someone like me who is not school smart .. Who doesn’t like studying at all and an average student but who’s dream is to become a physiotherapist and I need a 94% at least for that .. That was another slap on the face. And you know what it’s hard and I am so scared … Because it’s my dream that’s on the line here and I am clueless.I have no idea what to do and I spent the first 3 month of my senior year just complaining and studying nothing … For the first time in my life I’ve experienced what is it like to be truly scared …. I’ve tried so hard to figure out how I am gonna get that 94% but I can’t figure how ….. I’ve been working harder lately but the thing is what I am asked to do for me maybe the hardest thing ever … If you ask me to work 10 hours a day without being payed it’s better than this. I am not a lazy person actually the opposites but not when it comes to school work  … And whenever I feel like I am little close … I feel like I went back to point zero and today is one of those day …. And I feel like I became a person I can’t recognize anymore … I’ve worked so hard to find myself but now i feel like I am losing it again and I seem to have forgotten everything I believed in …. I can’t even remember who I was 7 month ago … 7 month ago I was a writer, i had a blog , I loved reading, I was a super motivated and inspired person . Just today I went through my old posts and I am shocked of how these 7 month changed me .. I am like yeah I used to believe in that, yeah I used to love that and ooh I remember when I felt that …. Now I feel like this weird person whom I can’t seem to figure out who she is or what she wants. I feel like I let my own demons control me .. That’s how I truly feel

But you know what I am gonna try to remember who I used to me and I will fight my own demons and I will make my dreams come true because I know if I didn’t one day I will regret this so much … So if it’s a war my demons want then it’s a war they will get

God! Just being here for only couple of house already makes me more inspired and I am terribly sorry for not replying to any comments and I would really appreciatany advice right now cause I really need some guidance and thank you so much for reading and I know this isn’t Really good poet at all .. But it’s such a real one. So, I want to share it.

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Things they don’t teach you in high school

They teach us a lot of things in high school but we end up using nothing of what we learned in real life. I never find my self using any of the information i learned from school. And there’s a lot of things i wish i learned school like HOW TO HANDLE A PROBLEM or HOW TO COOK or HOW TO ORGANIZE THINGS but don’t worry today i am gonna teach you things they don’t teach you in high school

1.How to go through a bad breakup:                                                                                                                                           I Can’t say i am the best to give advice for this matter  but my friends has been to a few bad breakups so, i understand. first thing realize that it’s his lost. You are amazing anyone would be lucky to be with you and if he can’t notice that then, he is really not worth your time, your tears or your mascara. Cause come on if you put makeup on you know a good mascara can get a little pricy and we both know no one is worth finishing your mascara on. secondly try to FORGET HIM and i know this may be a little hard but train yourself to do it cause practice makes perfect and you can’t forget about him if the background of your computer you and him holding hands or you showed up to work late because you spent the last night going through not only his instagram but his friends and family. I am not gonna lie to you but it’s not gonna work that way. You need to erase every picture, throw any gifts and delete his number. That’s the only way you will forget about it. Last but definitely not least watch a lot of movies with a lot of hot guys in it so you realize how bad he look even if he is not compared to them and now all you will be able to think about is how hot zac efron looks in Bad Neighbors, you will not even be able to think about him because zac efron had took over your mind, God now i have problems getting zac efron out of my mind. And remember i told you i am not the best in this matter i am making an effort here okay

2. How to save money                                                                                                                                                                 My name is salwa and i am a shopaholic, My 2 favorite places are zara and h.m. They are like a second home for me. The smallest amount of time i spent there was 30 min and i can’t tell you how bad i felt about it, it broke my heart. I normally spend from 1 to 2 hours and if i am lucky 3. Now no one wants to go out with me, they claim i am insane, i love clothes more than i love them and they can’t handle walking for 5 hours without food. well, clearly they are they are the insane one’s who needs food when he can have clothes. Well actually i am insane and that’ why i decided to recover and today i am gonna tell you my secrets. I try my own clothes at least once a week, that way i satisfy my need to go to fitting rooms and try clothes on. Another thing that really helps is i try to create new outfits from my own clothes that way i feel like i already bought new clothes. Another tip on how to save more money is i like to hid my money in books, yass you read right. I like to hide some cash in my old books and later on i forget about them and when i find them it’s such a great feeling and i am thinking about doing it in cds too because that book thing is getting obvious for me.

3.How to solve a problem                                                                                                                                                                I will tell you what works for me. when i have a problem i like to sit alone and think about it. I think about what happened and i ask myself  was it my fault or their fault and don’t act like you don’t talk to yourself cause at some point we really need some expert advice. The next step is asking for other’s advice and opinions. At last i like to think more with my friends opinion’s in mind until i come up with my solution.Then i study my solution and try to visualize what will happen in case i tried it and at the end i find the answer for my problem.And always just like in math every problem must have a solution.

My march

This month i am not gonna do the same as before because honestly i didn’t do anything exciting this month and i was busy with school work and exams but still i’ve got something to say. Many things actually.
This month i learned and realized a lot of thing that i would love to share with all of you
1-Happiness is a choice                                                                                                                                                               I can choose to be happy no matter what the circumstances of my life are. That choice really changed my life. It made it better, it made me better. And for that i am so grateful and i hope more people are brave enough to make this decision because it will improve their lives drastically and remember that life is too short to miss on being really happy.

2-I make my own rules                                                                                                                                                                 No one have the right to tell me how to live my life  or what to do and what not to do. I make my own rules  and my own decisions. I should decide what’s good for me and what’s bad and no one have the right to interfere. Advices are acceptable but you should remember that it’s only an advice. At the end you chose. At the end you make the rules

3-Some times you have to let go                                                                                                                                             Sometimes no matter how much you love someone you have to let him go. Because they are just bad for you. And sometimes they make you a bad person or less like you and more like them. And that’s the last thing you want. You don’t want to lose yourself because YOU are all you’ve got . You are unique why let someone change that. OR Sometimes because they  don’t give back. They don’t give back your love, your honesty, loyalty and time. They just don’t give it back. So, why waste your on someone unworthy of it.

4-Dream big                                                                                                                                                                               if you’re gonna dream then dream big .

I would love to know your opinion on this and what you’ve learned this last month . So,feel free to write anything in the comments section down below, byeeeee 🙂