Losing …

6 month ago I finished writing my first book and I sent it to about 10 publishing houses and because the book was in English and I am in case you didn’t know an Egyptian wasn’t Super easy to publish. Few publishing houses here publish in English and one of them accepted my book but they asked for a lot go money and I knew they were literally stealing money from me so, I didn’t agree. And my book remained unpublished … And that really frustrated me and I ended up not writing any thing for 5 whole month. I won’t say i gave up on being A published writer or that I let that define me ….. But for me it was the first time I ever wanted something and I didn’t get. So, it felt like it was a slap in the face and I wasn’t in the mood for writing anything. So, I stopped. Then,  4 month later I started my senior year which here all what universities look at is your senior grades and senior year is the most difficult year in school and for someone like me who is not school smart .. Who doesn’t like studying at all and an average student but who’s dream is to become a physiotherapist and I need a 94% at least for that .. That was another slap on the face. And you know what it’s hard and I am so scared … Because it’s my dream that’s on the line here and I am clueless.I have no idea what to do and I spent the first 3 month of my senior year just complaining and studying nothing … For the first time in my life I’ve experienced what is it like to be truly scared …. I’ve tried so hard to figure out how I am gonna get that 94% but I can’t figure how ….. I’ve been working harder lately but the thing is what I am asked to do for me maybe the hardest thing ever … If you ask me to work 10 hours a day without being payed it’s better than this. I am not a lazy person actually the opposites but not when it comes to school work  … And whenever I feel like I am little close … I feel like I went back to point zero and today is one of those day …. And I feel like I became a person I can’t recognize anymore … I’ve worked so hard to find myself but now i feel like I am losing it again and I seem to have forgotten everything I believed in …. I can’t even remember who I was 7 month ago … 7 month ago I was a writer, i had a blog , I loved reading, I was a super motivated and inspired person . Just today I went through my old posts and I am shocked of how these 7 month changed me .. I am like yeah I used to believe in that, yeah I used to love that and ooh I remember when I felt that …. Now I feel like this weird person whom I can’t seem to figure out who she is or what she wants. I feel like I let my own demons control me .. That’s how I truly feel

But you know what I am gonna try to remember who I used to me and I will fight my own demons and I will make my dreams come true because I know if I didn’t one day I will regret this so much … So if it’s a war my demons want then it’s a war they will get

God! Just being here for only couple of house already makes me more inspired and I am terribly sorry for not replying to any comments and I would really appreciatany advice right now cause I really need some guidance and thank you so much for reading and I know this isn’t Really good poet at all .. But it’s such a real one. So, I want to share it.

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My January

In this post i will talk about my month , how it was , things i achieved , my favorites and what made me smile . the reason i am starting this monthly series in my blog because i think it’s fun to read and also a little inspiring and that’s what my blog is mainly about . also i feel it would inspire me too also do stuff rather than staying in bed all day . I would love to hear you guys’s  opinion on this and lets get right into it .

What I’ve been doing :

  •  Starting this blog : This month was really exciting as i finally decided to start my own blog , a place where i can aspire and inspire , where i can create and try to help others . That’s my main goal helping others but i also love to throw in some posts that are somewhat entertaining ( At least i think so ) . I would love if you guys checked my other posts and would really appreciate any feedback because every single one i meet is better than me somehow and that’s how i can learn and  of course i would return the favor .
  • Traveling : This month was so fun and i was so lucky i got to travel twice . I got to go to Saudi-Arabia . I had so much fun there , did some damage at the mall , and i am afraid to step on the scale because of how much food i ate .The other place i went to was inside of my country  I took a small trip to alexandria . i really love it there , i love the weather , the beach and the food . i had a blast there . And this was really refreshing and so needed especially after my exams and before returning back to school .

My favorites :

  • Gossip girl : I have started watching it for the second time and i am almost done . I am currently watching the last season and omg i can’t wrap my mind about how amazing these series are . I love everything about it, the script , the place (New york is my favorite city) , the clothes and the characters . A moment of silent for Blair waldorf and chuck bass . Blair waldorf is my role model and chuck bass is my dream man and they together are GOALS . I also really love Serena , Nate , Dan and lily . And i don’t know if this is only me but blair waldorf really inspires me . Anyways great show . Definitely recommend watching it if you never did (Honestly i don’t know what you’re doing with your life by not watching gossip girl) . so, go watch it NOW .
  • Sweat pants : I’ve been obsessed with sweatpants lately . I’ve been wearing them a lot , i am wearing one right  now . They are just so comfortable plus i really love how they look on .

Happy moments 

  • Listening to old stories : Ever since i was a child , i loved listening to stories especially my Dad’s stories . where he tell us about his funny days in high school , his travels , his parents , life back then and his struggles . My dad is definitely is a great story teller .  Listening to these stories is one of my favorite things to do and they truly make me happy and it keeps me wondering what my stories to my kids in the future would be like . I wish to become a great story teller just like my father
  • Watching the sea during the sunset : 2 of my favorite things combined together , it was truly a heavenly scene to watch . Mother nature was really killing it .

So, guys this was My January . hope you guys enjoyed and got to know more about me . I would love to hear all about your month . Byeee  guys and see you in my next post 🙂