Losing …

6 month ago I finished writing my first book and I sent it to about 10 publishing houses and because the book was in English and I am in case you didn’t know an Egyptian wasn’t Super easy to publish. Few publishing houses here publish in English and one of them accepted my book but they asked for a lot go money and I knew they were literally stealing money from me so, I didn’t agree. And my book remained unpublished … And that really frustrated me and I ended up not writing any thing for 5 whole month. I won’t say i gave up on being A published writer or that I let that define me ….. But for me it was the first time I ever wanted something and I didn’t get. So, it felt like it was a slap in the face and I wasn’t in the mood for writing anything. So, I stopped. Then,  4 month later I started my senior year which here all what universities look at is your senior grades and senior year is the most difficult year in school and for someone like me who is not school smart .. Who doesn’t like studying at all and an average student but who’s dream is to become a physiotherapist and I need a 94% at least for that .. That was another slap on the face. And you know what it’s hard and I am so scared … Because it’s my dream that’s on the line here and I am clueless.I have no idea what to do and I spent the first 3 month of my senior year just complaining and studying nothing … For the first time in my life I’ve experienced what is it like to be truly scared …. I’ve tried so hard to figure out how I am gonna get that 94% but I can’t figure how ….. I’ve been working harder lately but the thing is what I am asked to do for me maybe the hardest thing ever … If you ask me to work 10 hours a day without being payed it’s better than this. I am not a lazy person actually the opposites but not when it comes to school work  … And whenever I feel like I am little close … I feel like I went back to point zero and today is one of those day …. And I feel like I became a person I can’t recognize anymore … I’ve worked so hard to find myself but now i feel like I am losing it again and I seem to have forgotten everything I believed in …. I can’t even remember who I was 7 month ago … 7 month ago I was a writer, i had a blog , I loved reading, I was a super motivated and inspired person . Just today I went through my old posts and I am shocked of how these 7 month changed me .. I am like yeah I used to believe in that, yeah I used to love that and ooh I remember when I felt that …. Now I feel like this weird person whom I can’t seem to figure out who she is or what she wants. I feel like I let my own demons control me .. That’s how I truly feel

But you know what I am gonna try to remember who I used to me and I will fight my own demons and I will make my dreams come true because I know if I didn’t one day I will regret this so much … So if it’s a war my demons want then it’s a war they will get

God! Just being here for only couple of house already makes me more inspired and I am terribly sorry for not replying to any comments and I would really appreciatany advice right now cause I really need some guidance and thank you so much for reading and I know this isn’t Really good poet at all .. But it’s such a real one. So, I want to share it.

My february

Hi,guys and welcome back to my blog . Today i am gonna tell you guys all about my month. I really love posting this kind of posts and i hope you guys do as well and lets get right into it .

What i’ve been doing ;

• Back to school : This month i returned back to school after my mid year vacation which only lasted for 2 months .But its okay as it was really needed. School now isn’t that bad and i am really enjoying spending time there with my friends as school is almost over for me.So, I am trying to make the most of my school days and that’s what i recommend everyone to do.
• Went to cairo book fair : This month was really exciting for me as i got to go to cairo international book fair which is only held once a year. It was my first time going and it was so much fun . I got 7 books for such a cheaper price which again is just perfect as i really enjoy reading and sometimes books can get a little pricey.                                                                                   I got 5 english books which are : Eleanor and park, the book thief,looking for alaska, the book of life, adultery .if you guys read any of these books i would love to hear you guy’s opinion on them.

My favourites:

• Friends tv show
• Note books
• Earing

My happy moments:

• Art’s arts reply: one day, i was feeling really down and i was crying in my bed . I didn’t feel like doing anything that day until while i was crying i checked my blog where i found a reply on community pool for my feedback on Art’s arts blog ( Which is a wonderful blog btw) . In that comment she thanked me for my feedback and told me how she also really enjoyed reading my blog ” your blog is great, inspirational and well written” she wrote and she quoted one of my phrases in one of posts. It was ” MAKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE ”. Her comment really made my day and reminded me of who i am and my words. And how i aim to help others so i should stop weeping and start helping myself. so, i can really help others. After reading that comment i stopped crying, opened my laptop and started writing . So, a huge thank you to Art’s arts. I love you.
• Secret valentine: this year me and my friends decided to do a SECRET VALENTINE. we took the idea from secret santa and added our touch on it. It was perfect as we are all single. It was so much fun and i will definitely will be doing it next year because who am i kidding i will still be single. But it doesn’t matter because i am happy and i have amazing friends.

So, guys this was my month. Hope you guys enjoyed and i would love to hear all about your month. If you wrote a similar post i would love to check it out just leave me a link in the comments with your thoughts on my post. I love you all and thanks so much for reading. Have a great day , Byeeee 🙂